He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
PANTIES FOUND
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