do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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