Plan B is the new Plan A
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The air was thick with penises
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
