Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Still dying that you shit outside
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
