Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
