what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
