Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
