There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
