Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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