Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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