I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Pooping to opera.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
