her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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