would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize