Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
