I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
