seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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