I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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