You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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