I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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