i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
