I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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