I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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