OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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