her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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