A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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