david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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