In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
