I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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