Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
