I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
