I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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