Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...

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(330): View more from Ohio

Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.

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(917): View more from New York City

I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests

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(206): View more from Washington

I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.

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(520): View more from Arizona

They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"

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(317): View more from Indiana

Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?

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(630): View more from Illinois

So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.

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(845): View more from New York

I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...

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