We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The uberlube is also flammable
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
