Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
