Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
