oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
