I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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