Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I intend to get homeless drunk
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
