She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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