Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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