found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
