Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
