I look better un-naked...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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