He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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