the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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