she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you had me at cake vodka
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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