Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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