do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
