the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
