and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
