Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
