he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
