I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
