My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
