just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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