i think my tv is drunk
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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