I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
