he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
