why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
