No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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