You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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