Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
