This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
