I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
