please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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